Author: Dana Allen PhD

No matter how many lists you have, no matter how long they are, even if you have to add something mundane and especially if you add something just so that you can cross it off – forward motion matters.

Lists help us remember and organize and prioritize. Lists can help us face what seems like too much.

You accomplishing something that needed doing is critical to your parenting. It models grit, service, organization, even bravery. It shows your children how to get started and how to finish well.

You get a sticker today for moving forward on your list (no matter how many things were added.)

I checked something off the list.

We. You and your kid(s) did something together. For however long you were out – you were alongside each other for a bit. Learning is rooted in relationship, and those connections are built in moments like these.

Went. You and your kid(s) were active. The action of getting up and out is a team sport. You were probably a combination of coach, teammate, sponsor, trainer, opponent, and cheerleader. Go team.

Outside. You and your kid(s) need the air and the sun (or any weather, really.) Great job making it happen for everyone’s sake.

Today. You and your kid(s) made a choice to go outside today. It was worth it. Tomorrow it will be a great choice too.

Congratulations, you braved layers of clothes, toys, dirt, and the pull of in-the-house comforts to do the good and hard work of getting outdoors.

We went outside today.

Yes, this is to be celebrated too! It means you can do another day – maybe even the second half of this day. It means you know your worth. And your limits.

These are skills we want our kids to learn: when they are past the season of falling into a nap, past the time when we coerce them into a needed rest time, past when they take their “nap” sleeping-in past noon. Self care is essential and we have a happy chance to model it for our children when we take a real break.

This sticker is for every parent who made (or needs to make) the wise and difficult choice to care for themselves. Good job!

I took a much needed nap!

 

• Share if this was you.
• Tag someone who did it.
• Like if you will try tomorrow (5 minutes of quiet counts!)

 

We all know that family meals together are super important:

• • for strengthening family connections and reducing stress
  • for improved lifelong nutrition and health outcomes
  • for supporting language, cultural literacy, good grades, and social skills
  • they are economical
  • and they can be hilarious

This is a tricky season, the days and hours blur and there is not much relief. Whatever is on the table, this time together is vital work. And you’ll do it again. And again. And again.

Mealtime is tricky. For as much work as you have put in to get dinner on the table and then into your kid, you get a trophy.

We all sat at the table and ate together!

 

P.S. Send this trophy to a parent who could use reminding of how awesome they are to gather their gang and share a meal.

I wish I carried a roll of stickers to hand out in the grocery store – not for the kids, but for the parents doing the hard work of being for their children. I do try to pass out compliments and encouragement. I believe it makes a difference whether they are happily involved in naming the colors in the produce section , wrangling a tantruming toddler, or in the range of normal in-between parenting life.

But what if (like the child who brags about a full card of stickers for chores well done or one who gets sympathy for wearing an “I got a shot” badge from the pediatrician) we got to show-off our accomplishments and milestones too?

In celebration of Mother’s Day today, I propose we begin a campaign to pass out virtual stickers, gold stars, rewards, encouragement… to parents. I’ll post and we can tag each other. Let me know others achievements we should honor. Let’s share stickers liberally.

This first sticker goes to all mothers because they inherently deserve the recognition and thanks we celebrate on this second Sunday of May.

Mom? You deserve a sticker!

 

I’ve been asked to write a parenting advice column. It’s harder than you think.

Oh, I can observe and listen and help moms and dads get further down the road they want to be on by supporting them to see their vision, offering insight into what is going on developmentally, and encouraging workable strategies … but how to boil that down to practical, universal, meaningful, written advice? I’ve decided to frame each answer around with a challenge: BE “something”. I’m sure the best parenting advice is not so much a list of things to do, but encouragement to grow authentically in the ways you want to parent.

Today’s advice to us all? The answer to many of our parent questions? The thing I’d like to tell myself today?

Dear Dr. Dana, 

Happy Mother’s Day – Be grateful.

To be thankful you need to be reflective. You are the grown-up, you have insight and perspective. Look carefully at your children, at your relationships with them, at yourselves.

On the way to gratefulness you will stumble over the bits that are tricky – regrets, hurt, embarrassments, bad habits, and failures. These are a part of your story; just a part.

It is Mother’s Day. Choose to celebrate wholeheartedly. Thank the team you parent with. Appreciate each precious memory. Practice contentment. Count your blessings. Notice the growth. Express your pride in who your children are. Laugh with them.

Be grateful.

Sincerely, Dr. Dana