Author: Dana Allen PhD

Did you get one of those sweet baby calendars? the ones that have stickers to mark each milestone and “first”? Have you used it? I had one, actually I had several. I did a few entries – I was too exhausted and busy and it just didn’t seem as important as being in the moment. And the moments kept coming.

I’ve realized that actually the stickers should really be rewritten to reward the parents. “Baby’s First Step” might become a shout-out to mom and dad. Or better yet, we could edit them to reflect the dual effort in the parent/child dance.

To take a step is to move independently. But before a baby can take that step, they need a parent to buy the little walker wagon, to cheer each effort, to hold chubby hands, to stoop over helping, to kiss away the stumbles… This sticker goes to you for all that YOU’VE done to help your child take their first step – whatever kind of step that is just now.

My kiddo took a step.

It often feels like parenting wins are built by sleep losses. There will never be enough hours to do it all. So a little extra sleep this morning was a gift.

But that bonus didn’t just happen. Every time you’ve stopped and gone to bed you’ve made the choice to care for your sleepy self. With every bedtime story, song, last drink, XO… you’ve done the foundational job of helping your child feel safe and be settled each night. This is important work.

So, congratulations! Whatever the reason – even if was just a fluke, even if it was only an extra 10 minutes  – you got to sleep in a bit today. That was a gift for both of you. Here’s hoping for more bonus Z’s soon.

I slept in.

There is so much research that shows how much touch enhances development. But you know that; you feel that. You can tell how steadying, how healing, how tender even the simplest connections are.

No matter how old your baby is, it is a ‘parent paycheck’ when they reach out for you. You’ve earned that reward through so many snuggles, kisses, pats, and hugs.  Enjoy the honor. 

They took my hand.

Librarians have a superpower of finding the perfect book at the right time. You had some of that gift today. You knew just what to do. Stories help.

You reached for a book; the one (or two, or three, or more) that was needed. Some books are challenging books – that call us to a new perspective. Some books are inspirational books – that spur us to creative action. Some books are comfort books – that provide relief and solace. And some books are break books – that help us step out of the situation and maybe even laugh. You get it.

This is a hard season – parts of today have been heartbreakingly difficult. Be encouraged that you are coming alongside your child. You are using the tools at hand to give your kids the language and stories they need to understand now and to be a part of building a more hopeful time. Congratulations.

We read the right book for this hard day.

• Kid Lit for some of the tricky times, like now:
  • These Books Can Help You Explain Racism and Protest to Your Kids (NYT)
  • 31 Children’s books to support conversations on race, racism and resistance (embracerace)
  • Books to Help You Explain Racism to Kids (Chicago Parent)
  • 30 Childrens Books About Diversity (Book Riot)
  • Teacher’s Reading List of Antiracist Books for Kids Goes Viral (Time)

When you receive flowers from your child – whether it is a handful of “blow-flowers” (dandelions), a bouquet from the florist, or all the sweet blossoms in between – these offerings are a testimony to your relationship.

Well done, that you’ve taught your child to, quite literally, ‘stop and smell the roses’. Well done, that they’ve learned from you that sharing a special thing enhances the experience. Well done, that they choose you as the recipient of that joy. Well done.

My child gave me flowers.

Great job building up your child over their whole life. Your relationship is foundational to the building of their strong and resilient self.

My kid  (this is my precious child)

knows (who is confident of the fact)

I will (that I determine by choice)

always (to consistently and forever)

be proud (be genuinely respectful, satisfied, and pleased)

of who they are (of the singular, developing, true person they are)

It is June – Pride Month. In commemoration of the Stonewall Uprising, this time is set aside to recognize the impact that LGBTQ individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally. It is also a time for extra support and festivity to those individuals in our own homes. Have a great month full of meaning and celebration.

You are doing the extraordinary and faithful job of helping your child come to themselves – and letting every single one know they are just right.

Please, claim a sticker because we are proud of ourselves, and each other too, in this crucial work.

Have a great Pride Month full of meaning and celebration.

My kid knows I will always be proud of who they are.

Nothing is simply black and white. Even more so, important constructs such as race are infinite shades of grey. Therefore we must enter into an intentional, compassionate, lifelong curriculum to help our children understand and choose and act rightly.

“Are your kids too young to talk about race? Nope. Silence about race can reinforce racism by letting children draw their own conclusions” (pretty_good_designs)

The way through “tricky” subjects is choice. You choose to prepare and build capacity. Every day, embedded in your normal life, you are communicating about race.

• THINGS YOU ARE DOING WITH YOUR CHILD – AND WHAT IT BUILDS:
  • Explaining what you are thinking and talking about amongst the adults – this is making current events accessible
  • Sharing your stories and stories from the past – this is teaching history
  • Acting out scenarios – this is building social skills and promoting healthy relationships
  • Talking about your feelings – this gives our kids language, models coping, and introduces practical mental health strategies 
  • Imagining a better outcome – this is the beginning of advocacy
  • Doing something proactive together – this is how change happens

You are doing your complex and difficult parenting job by choosing hard conversations. Just now, no matter how old your child is, this means talking and teaching about race. You are brave and strong and up to the task. 

I brought up the tricky subject.

 

Have your kids gotten to the stage where they have the form of jokes but there is no humor at all? Or are they still at the stage where they say or do the cutest, funny things in the cutest, funny ways? Or are they old enough that they can make insightful, clever observations that are spot on?

Sharing those moments over time has built your child’s funny bone. Modeling and teaching real fun is an important part of your parenting. The effects lightheartedness, positivity, and humor contribute to lifelong balance and happiness and mental health.

Good on you – you got carried away with the sillies, the nonsensical joke, the absurd situation, whatever, and it overflowed with a healing, hilarious overflow of shared laughter. Remember it; it’s priceless.

We laughed so hard.

Silliness is a really great parenting tool. Doing something unusual makes it special. We all can appreciate the unexpected sometimes – or learn to. Even something as simple as breakfast for dinner (or pizza for breakfast) reframes the meal as a fun event.

In our household, we sometimes would declare a “Jammie Day” where everyone wore pajamas all day and we had breakfast for all three meals. I have a friend whose family celebrates special days with waffles and ice cream for breakfast. Whatever pleases your gang is just right.

Legalized rule breaking is super fun. Great job having a fabulous dinner that everyone could agree upon and that shook up things a bit. And who doesn’t love waffles & strawberries (our dinner tonight)?

We had breakfast for dinner.

When you child asks something, there are all sort of ways to answer – all of them practical in certain situations. But some very long, or repetitive, or tricky…

Today you took the time to really help get something figured out together. You deserve recognition for the creativity and patience (and maybe bravery) it takes to really listen and teach. Good for you, good for you both.

I explained the WHOLE thing.