Author: Dana Allen PhD

Discipline is one of the trickiest things for all of us. Mastering time-outs, time-ins, punishments, restrictions, rewards, incentives, accountability, teaching… this is some of the real work of parenting.

Responding well to unexpected behaviors requires us to be ready: ready with a plan and a measure of calm. The emotions around these tricky times run high for everyone involved. As the grown-up, stepping back (or away for a bit) helps us to see more clearly and react as we want to.

We are not always going to get it right – that is what do-overs and forgiveness are for. But a deep breath is always a good option.

One of the best things in your discipline tool box is your time-out. Your ability to step back and settle is important both in the moment and as a model of healthy self-control and balance. You deserve a shiny sticker for your choice to pause and reengage in a better state.

I get a sticker for taking a time-out.

Booboos are inevitable.

You’ve done the great parenting work of protection and freedom that allows for some risk. But you are also right there as a safety net or emergency crew.

The gift of being invited (or at least allowed) to tend to your child’s hurt is priceless. Every little owie tended to is an investment in a lifetime of caring for each other. You’ve done a great job of noticing the pain, coming alongside, comforting, and sending back out – this is the work of healing.

I kissed a booboo.

The tossing of a ball back and forth is a metaphor used to illustrate the healthy connectedness of a baby and attentive parent as they respond to each other. This “serve and return” quite literally shapes the architecture of the growing brain.

Play strengthens relationships – and so much more.

Beyond the fun and the building of memories, you were a part of all sorts of learning today. Playing with your child contributes to their growth in every category: social and language, problem solving, physical…  The choice to enter and expand and support your child’s play is a great gift. You gave that gift.

We played together today.

Whatever is coming up, your child needs you. Things like the forms and the calls for kindergarten registration are important and tedious. Your gift of managing all of those details matters.

You’ve done the brave and exciting job of getting your child (and yourself!) ready for this step. Especially in this pandemic time, the unknowns of a new experience for our children is full of big, mixed emotions. You are navigating those feelings for yourself and for them. Keep talking. Keep playing. Keep reading. Keep exploring. Keep listening. Keep up your great job!

I registered my child for kindergarten (or whatever that next big thing is!)

Beauty is taught through connected moments: intentional moments. Moments where you’ve done such a great job of pointing out every flower, every rainbow, every lovely piece of art. This is beauty school.

Your child noticing something special is something special. Them sharing that with you is even better – it is testimony to your modeling and investment and what you value. And it is to be celebrated – well done.

My kiddo pointed out something beautiful.

Bedtime is hard work. It is multi-player game that evolves over a lifetime.

Congratulations on the routine that is mostly working for this season. Even more, kudos for all of the effort and trials and teaching that has gone into tonight’s bedtime. Here’s to you for brushing countless teeth and running lakes of tubs, helping with jammies, kissing all those lovies, singing the songs, praying the prayers, answering silly questions, listening, reading the same book (with no edits allowed), snuggling, and tucking in with (mostly) patience every night.

Hurray! You’ve gotten them settled with all that they need. Again. Happy evening to you. 

They’re safely all tucked in.

No matter how old or new your child is, the snuggles are great.

You’ve worked over a lifetime establishing a relationship where love is expressed.

You deserve tons of X’s & O’s (and so much more than a sticker.) Sometimes our kids are not ready, willing, or able to – and we can wait. But other times – special times, magic times, times that are the parenting paycheck, they offer up a cuddle. You’ve made a safe spot for that, well done.

I got a hug

Standards and routine are super important parts of our parenting toolbox. But so is the flexibility necessary in growing a healthy relationship. 

Sometimes, maybe more than we realize, we need to let it go. “It” could be a broken rule, late bedtime, missed chores, spilled milk or “it” might be expectations and schedules.

Your choice to move on means you are prioritizing your child and sharing the vital life lessons of kindness, self-care, and grace.

Here’s to our ability to know what’s important and what is not. Great job choosing to give up, pull out, and surrender because – in this case – it was really the right thing to do.

I let it go

It is a proud moment when our kids “get it right”. It is natural to feel a measure of satisfaction for their job well done. But, you deserve recognition for this accomplishment too!

The way you’ve modeled “please” and “thank you”, taught them the words, and prompted so many times have led to their handling well the exchange today. Whether this is the first time or it happens all the time now, your effort is to be celebrated.

When you think about it, becoming willing and able to say “thank you” appropriately and sincerely, is one life skill among thousands that you are passing along all the time. But this skill is a foundational one; gratitude improves relationships. Great job instilling this, the most basic of manners, in your child.

YOU get this sticker for all that you have done to build the habits of kindness, respect, and gratitude that are behind a real “thanks!”

They said “thank you” without being asked.

Literacy is “an ability that has been acquired by training.” YOUR reading is a part of your child’s literacy plan.

In reading to your children you share history, knowledge, imagination, adventure, culture… Even as kids are able to read for themselves, books read together compound experience and learning.

In reading in front of your children, you model the value and process of getting information and story independently. However, wherever, whatever you are reading, your children are benefitting.  (And this doesn’t even begin to go into your pleasure, balance in your day, and all of your learning that is going on!)

Reading is its own reward. This sticker is a small way to mark a great parenting move. Read on.

I read.